Tomorrow, I Become a Guinea Pig (But Not the Furry Kind)

Big news, folks! Tomorrow, I officially become a guinea pig. No, I am not transforming into a small, squeaky, hay-munching rodent (though I wouldn’t mind the unlimited snacks). Instead, I am voluntarily offering up my brain . Well, not offering it up exactly, but letting science poke at it—for Alzheimer’s research.

How did I get roped into this, you ask? Simple. I spit in a tube and mailed my DNA to some very smart people, who then decided I was a good candidate for their study. Apparently, I have "normal mental faculties thus far." (Yes, that is a direct quote from the professionals. I feel like it deserves a certificate or at least a celebratory cookie.)

Now, do I know if I carry the APOE gene associated with Alzheimer’s? Nope! And I don’t want to know—thank you very much. It runs in my family, so there’s already enough suspense in that department. The research team will tell me if I ask, but I’d rather find out the old-fashioned way: by forgetting where I put my car keys one too many times and panicking about it.

I’m already forgetting names. That is when my prince of a husband chimes in with, “Lisa you remember (insert forgotten name here).”

So, what happens now? Every other year, I head in for a brain spa day, which includes:
A lot of blood work (I assume to confirm I am still human).
Two PET scans with radioactive IV fluid (because nothing says “science” like glowing from the inside).
An MRI, where I will try very hard not to fall asleep while they bang on a giant magnet.

And a partridge in a pear tree. Not really but I do get a free lunch from Panera.

Basically, I let these researchers study my brain in hopes that future generations won’t have to deal with this terrible disease. If you are reading this from the future and there is already a cure for Alzheimer’s—you’re welcome.

In the meantime, I will enjoy my brief stint as a human science experiment and hope I don’t develop any unexpected superpowers from the radioactive injection. Though if I do, I promise to use them responsibly.

Wish me luck!